3 Reasons Women Cheat (Even on Men They Love)
Getting laid by a stranger has never been easier thanks to technology. This is equally true for singles as well as married individuals, due to a variety of websites and apps that cater to users looking for easy, casual sex.
Both men and women cheat because something is missing in their lives. The need to fill in that void is what leads to affairs and often divorce. Today, men and women stray at similar rates according to a study by the University of Indiana, but for different reasons.
There is no doubt that women are often less satisfied with their marriage than men. Not only are women having affairs at increasing rates, they initiate divorce at staggering levels. According to a study by Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld of 2,262 heterosexual couples over five years, women initiated 69 percent of divorces. The details of the study further indicate that college educated women initiate divorce over 80 percent of the time.
Here are the top 3 reasons I’ve heard, from the cheaters themselves, about why women cheat:
1. Lack of connection
The primary driver that women have in an intimate relationship is to feel connected. For women, the feeling of connection is a mix of chemical bliss that creates attraction and intimacy.
When women feel disconnected from their spouse, the feelings of intimacy fade. The possibility of a new connection with someone else opens up. And these emotional connections can easily lead to physical affairs. That can happen through Facebook with an old boyfriend, a friendly co-worker or even an intriguing stranger. The common theme is simply that an emotional connection was created and led to the affair.
In my experience, about one in five affairs by women happen because of “pay-back.” It is revenge for the husband’s affair. It is vengeance for some perceived wrong or mistreatment.
Numerous women have confided that their affairs were intentional “pay-back” because their husbands didn’t help out enough with their newborn babies. Others have mentioned that it was revenge for an unmet expectation around Valentine’s Day or their birthday or anniversary. I’ve heard directly from women who cheated because their husbands wouldn’t take time off of work or change jobs or didn’t help out enough around the house.
This category has been more common than I would have imagined.
3. Unsatisfying sex
It is no secret that people’s stressful, fully scheduled, fast paced living leads to unsatisfying sex lives. Lack of passionate and fulfilling sex is another driver for affairs.
While men may complain about the quantity of sex, women complain about the quality. Women often comment on the lack of sex initiated by their husbands with the desired amount of passion. Here’s a sample of what they have said to me:
“I want him to just take me spontaneously.”
“I want him to throw me on the bed.”
“I want him to be more aggressive.”
These statements often include far more colorful words.
The mistake that men make is thinking that his wife, now mom of three, has lost her desire for hot, steamy sex. She hasn’t. And many women are not willing to settle for a passion-less marriage.
Article by Jeff Forte, author of The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle