What Is the Verdict: Innocent or Guilty?
Flirting is a dangerous game. You never know someone’s intentions unless you straight up ask them. You can think they are into you, and they very well may be, but you might not be the only one.
If you are being flirty and talking to someone, are you allowed to get mad if you discover they are talking to someone else too? It’s hard to say, but if you haven’t made it exclusive and had the “what are we” conversation you technically can’t be mad.
A lot of times people are sexually motivated, but that doesn’t mean they are sexually intelligent. This means you can think you are dropping hints and being obvious that you are into them, yet hey can still be clueless.
This is why talking and being straight up is so essential while dating. The gray areas of dating someone are awkward, but that is how you are supposed to be. You flirt and play around with each other, but you have a talk and express your feelings. You can’t expect the other party to know where you stand.
So if you are nervous your love interest is still playing the field, ask yourself if you have made the initiative to settle down and take your casual flirting to the next level. If not, don’t be too quick to judge their actions. Maybe they are talking to other people, but only because they don’t think you are taking things seriously. Or maybe they aren’t and it is all just a misunderstanding.
Here are a few situations that may raise red flags. I leave it to you to determine if they are guitly and their actions are intentional, or if they are innocent and their actions are just being taken out of context.
This has happened to my friend twice in the last few months. She and a guy were talking and everything seemed to be going steady. All of a sudden the guy messes things up by messaging her AND another girl at the same time. Now the question is was it truly an innocent mistake or has he secretly been messaging this other girl at the same time? On one hand, sometimes people have fat fingers and accidentally tag people in messages that weren’t intended for them. But then again, if exclusivity hasn’t been discussed, maybe he is chatting with other people and you need to act quick. Decide to give him the benefit of the doubt, disregard it and actually let it go, or bring it up and have a talk about where you stand.
Flirty but flakely
Maybe you have been talking to someone, and it has been hot and heavy via text. But everytime you try to meet up, he bails at the last minute. I have met someone who’s now boyfriend used the excuse that he got hit by a car and had to postpone plans, and he really wasn’t lying — hospital snaps, huge bruise and all. So in that case he was totally innocent. But for the most part, this is a red flag that should be addressed. If they flake too many times and seem sketchy, they might have a seperate life and be taken. Or maybe they are just not that into you. Either way, you deserve some answers.
Filling in the blanks
Does their story add up? Or do you find yourself constantly filling in the blanks and catching them in a lie? If that is case, you might want to reexamine the situation you are in. Sure, maybe they are forgetful and mess up a here and there, but if you think he is lying, he probably is. Before you jump to getting mad, be open and address the problem head on. See if it is a misunderstanding or if you have just caught them in a lie once again.
“Just talking” is the limbo of dating. You are flirting and developing feelings, but not necessarily exclusive so it is a tough situation to be in. The best thing to keep in mind is to talk first and judge later. Don’t be a hot head and jump to conclusions. If they are guilty, feel free to give them hell but first be open and talk it out before doing anything hasty. And if they are innocent, let it go and don’t hold a grudge over a dumb misunderstanding.