Doing ‘It’ the First Time Around

Dating can be both exciting and uncomfortable. While meeting someone new is exhilarating, there are possibilities for endless awkward moments. By picking up on social cues and body language, you are trying to navigate where things are going. If you are one to think ahead, you are probably trying to navigate when you will transition from dating to relationship. Or like most, wonder when it is okay relieve that sexual tension you can no longer avoid.

Avoid sexual frustration by talking about when you are ready to take your relationship to the next level.
(Photo: Shutterstock)

Let’s focus on that. How exactly do you initiate your first time with someone new? My friend Kendall was dating a guy for a while and is a recently single. She’s tried dating from Tinder to Hinge, and had both great and not so great experiences from each. Good dates lead to hookups because she’s intentionally not looking for anything serious.

Then she met a bearded fellow who actually sparked her interest. Not that she wanted to jump into a relationship, but they meshed so well and had a ton of fun together. Kendall lives in the moment, so after a few dates she knew she wanted to take things to the next level. But to her surprise, Rob didn’t. Not because he didn’t feel the same way, but because he did and wanted to take things slow. While that is sweet, Kendall gets what she wants. So after a bit of seduction, the drought was over. And I’m happy to report that they are both getting very serious about each other and the sex is a bonus.

What happens if you find yourself in an awkward sexual standoff? Here are a couple situations you may find yourself in, and how you can solve any problems.

Exclusive title

If you’ve been dating someone for a bit, but they aren’t putting out, they may be waiting for an exclusive title. Yes I mean make it Facebook official. While it may annoy you, you need to respect the other person’s opinion and not rush them. Sure you can definitely be successful like Kendall, but just make sure it’s consensual. Or just talk it out. Determine what you both want and see if it is going to work. If all you want is a hookup, be honest and move on because it won’t work it if you want different outcomes from the relationship.

Special moment

Someone people have listened to too much T-Swift and watched to many rom-coms to settle for anything else than a perfect fantasy first time with a new person of interest. If you find yourself with someone like this, you’ll need to step up your game if you want anything to happen. Make them feel special. It doesn’t have to be the most lavish thing ever, just expressing how you feel may open them up to potentially getting more serious. Everyone deserves to be spoiled. If you are too lazy to express any sort of affection, find yourself an escort.

Numbers talk

Sometimes it’s just a matter of numbers. By that, I mean some people like to wait a certain number of dates before jumping into bed. If this is your issue, it’s really not a big deal. Dates are actually fun when you are interested in each other, so have fun and get to known one another. Plus if thing a go over well, that number may surprise you by going down!

Finally getting intimate with someone new is great, but don’t make it your only mission.
(Photo: Saturday Night Live)

The first time with someone new is a thrill. If it is just a hook up, it is just fun. But if you actually care about the other person, it can quickly make things serious and very real. If you want to leap into intimacy, talk about it. That way you know you are on the same page, and no one feels undesired. Take your time if you want, or don’t at all. Every potential couple is different. Do what works for you.