When Second Chances Are an Option
Breakups are hard. No matter the situation, distancing yourself from someone you were once inseparable from is a struggle. But, the worse is when you still love the other person. Maybe it wasn’t a terrible break up, but you decided to go your separate ways. Or maybe the other person made a mistake that you don’t hold against them.
The problem is that even when you want to get back with an ex, there’s a couple major hurdles you need to face if you ever hope to be a happy, functioning couple again. There are countless obstacles, but these are the top three I advise facing before jumping back in.
Pride and prejudice
Pride is a major factor in deciding to get back with an ex or not. After the break up, you probably told a few people that things were over. Or, maybe you told the whole world on social media. Regardless, no one wants to be that person in the dysfunctional relationship that is together every other week.
But even these people have their reasons, I guess. Just focus on you. If you can find it in yourself to not care what others think, that’s all that should matter. Be aware that there might be some judgement and confusion, but if you’re ready to give it another shot, everyone else will come around. Personally, I think it is okay to give second chances to clean breakups, but I wouldn’t be one to give any more than that.
Forgive, don’t forget
After a break up, you go through a mourning period, which is completely normal. Eventually you forgive and move on in life, but you always remember and grow from that past relationship. But these get a little confusing when get back together. You’ve obviously forgiven you ex, but how do you forget?
A friend once told me if you get back with an ex, you have to start a completely new relationship. You have to put the past relationship behind you. So in this case, you do need to forgive and forget, which is hard to do. Some may realize that they can’t do that, and in that case you should not give a second chance. But if you think you and your ex are willing and able to start all over, then give it a shot with a clean slate.
If you get back together with an ex, it’s hard not to have trust issues. But this ties into forgiving and forgetting. If you refuse to forget, that’s fine, just don’t get back together. You don’t want to constantly worry and nag the other person on their every where about. It will ultimately lead to yet another break up. But if you can find it in your heart to forget for the sake of starting new, then you have to have trust. That’s the only way it will work.
Getting back with an ex is a very grey area. Obviously if they are abusive or serial cheaters, my advice is to run away and run far. You can do so much better. But if it was a clean break up for legitimate reasons, the relationship can be easy to fix. Just know those issues don’t just go away. You should address everything you feel and think, and lay it all out on the table. And once it’s all said and done, you need to decide what to do and stick with it. Don’t be wishy-washy. If you are back on, cool; it’s a new beginning. And if you can’t forget the past, move on.