Are You a Stage Five Clinger?

Ever met someone and felt an instant connection, only to never get a call the next day? It used to be such a shame, but now that’s now a thing of the past since social media came to the rescue.

To stalk or not to stalk? (Graphic: 3dcoloredglasses/someecards)

Now as long as you know the person’s last name, you can practically stalk anyone recreationally. But when do you cross the line of fun Facebook creeping to a stage five clinger?

According to pbs.org, belonging to a group or community gives us a sense of identity. This is why we strive so hard to succeed in relationships. At times, this means we give up our integrity in our desperate search for of love.

It’s socially acceptable to stalk via Facebook, right? (Illustration: co-creation.co.uk)

You know you are too good at creeping when you feel like you really know the person when you don’t. What’s more awkward is when you see them in public and you both longingly stare, but do not say a thing. So is social media ruining our chance of actual closeness versus cyber closeness?

If a date goes bad, people can simply stalk their date and try to figure what and who they have moved on to. The key to recreational stalking is to know your limits. The key to cyber stalking is to never let it get the best of you, and know its all a big joke not to be taken seriously.

But is social media really to blame, or have you always been destined to be a stage five clinger? I know that sounds crazy; who ever intends on being a stage five clinger? But reality is that you may be so clingy for a reason.

Research shows that there are four types of attachment styles. These styles have been instilled in you since you were an infant, and remain a part of you for the rest of your life unless a dramatic event occurs. These attachment styles carry out in both romantic and platonic relationships. The four attachment styles include: secure attachment, dismissive avoidant attachment, fearful avoidant theory and anxious preoccupied attachment.

According to psychalive.org, secure attachment consists of people who know who their secure base is (parents, partner, etc.), but are not afraid to stem out and adventure. Secure adults tend to find themselves in satisfied, trusted relationships. People who are dismissive avoidant are like Samantha from Sex and the City. They will date someone for six months max, but they prefer to stay independent. Fearful avoidant people tend to find themselves in rocky relationships because they fear getting too close, but also fear being too far away from their partner. Finally you have anxious preoccupied people, otherwise known as our stage five clingers. These people are desperate to be loved. If you have that friend or are that person that constantly needs to hear the answer to tell me you love me, tell me I’m pretty, etc. you are anxious preoccupied.

Which attachment style are you? (Graphic: liveabundantly.ca)

Take this quiz to find out what your attachment style is: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Don’t fret if you get anxious preoccupied, it just means you need that extra attention. Don’t let it consume you, and definitely do not become that post-break up stalker! If things don’t go well in a relationship, date or one night stand, let it go. You can stalk for a day or two, but once you feel like you are obsessing over it, stop immediately. So get off your Facebook app and distract yourself with real people and not your could-have-been boy toy from last week. You literally may have been born desperate, but chill out, enjoy a cocktail and let Prince Charming come to you for once.