Another Kind of Pillow Talk
“Raise your hand if you have ever had a bad experience in the bedroom,” said Alorie Clark, hostess of Bedroom Business: A Conversation for Men and Women last Sunday. The audience was shy at first but soon everyone was raising their hand. “And how many of you actually said something to your partner about it?” Clark asked. Almost everyone put their hand down.
Talking to your partner about performance, likes and dislikes when it comes to business in the bedroom can be a tough conversation, particularly if one of you is dissatisfied. Bedroom Business, a panel discussion about sexual communication took place June 22 at The Loft at 600 F in Washington, D.C.
Sitting on the panel were Dr. Richard Griffith, Tunde Akinyeke, Senovia Ross and Natasha Amand. Grifffith is a licensed clinical psychologist in the District. His professional experience includes conducting comprehensive psychological assessments, providing individual and group psychotherapy, marital/couples therapy and program development. Akinyeke is a contributor to singleblackmale.org and a new contributor to verysmartbrothas.com. Ross of LMFT Professional Counseling & Therapy Services specializes in marriage and relationship therapy. And St. Amand is a licensed professional therapist in the D.C. metro area and the founder of Freedom Revealed Consultants and St. Amand Counseling Associates. She counsels many individuals and couples in areas of finding balance, harmony and peace in their relationships and most importantly with themselves.
But how did this event even arise? “I was having a conversation with a dating coach professional who revealed that a lot of men were ending relationships with women because they weren’t satisfied in the bedroom. The dating coach and I had an extensive conversation about the importance of sexual pleasure and how the lack of communication is ruining relationships,” said Clark.
Throughout the discussion with panelists and the audience, this seemed to go both ways. Many audience members cited stories of bad bedroom experiences ending a relationship. However, many also talked about the levels of a relationship and their mate’s potential as large push-pull factors. Men in the audience said that if they were truly interested in a woman for a long-term relationship, they would be more willing to communicate their likes and dislikes with her. If she was just Ms. Someone-for-Now, they would be less inclined to reveal the truth and simply dump her or stop talking to her.
“My goal for this event, and all my events is to give men and women an opportunity to safely and comfortably discuss controversial topics. Love, dating [and] relationships are hard to figure out, but each side (gender) is doing the other a disservice by not communicating and offering insight,” Clark said. “We need to work to understand each other and I hope my events are bridging that gap.” She hosts similar events quarterly in the DMV.