Comparing Your Partner to Your Ex

Each breakup means a lesson learned and a new beginning with someone else. With each relationship, we gain insight on what to do and not do for the next relationship. But sometimes, we compare our current significant other to our exes, and this can turn into a toxic situation.

Relationships are not black and white so do not keep comparing your current partner to your ex. (Photo: Gabczii/Shutterstock)

 
Not all comparisons are necessarily bad. If your ex did not treat you the way you deserve to be treated but your new partner is kind and treats you well, you may find yourself thinking of how much better the current relationship is in comparison. This may be good. However, you must be careful to not become carried away and begin putting your significant other on a pedestal.

Do not dwell on the past

You may also find yourself comparing your current significant other to the good things you had with your ex. This is a very dangerous path to take. Be aware of how you are thinking about your partner. Are you checking off a list of shared qualities between your current partner and your ex? Are you comparing each date to the dates you had with your ex? If so, remember to stay in the moment. Think about how your current relationship fits your life right now. If he or she is not a good fit, then it is time to break up. However, if you are enjoying the time spent with your partner then quit thinking so much about the past.

Come out of your comfort zone

Also, your current partner may not fit the usual prototype of exes that you may have in your past. This can be a very good thing. Perhaps the very reason it did not work out in the past was because you were trying the same thing and expecting different results. Branching out and dating people who are very different from your exes may mean finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. But if you keep thinking about how different he or she is from your ex, you may end up feeling too much out of your comfort zone and go back to dating the same type of guy or girl. It is good to be out of your comfort zone! Plus if it does not work out, at least you will have had the experience.

Although we gain insight from previous relationships, it is important to apply the lessons learned to current relationships without significantly comparing the two people. Continuously comparing your S.O. to your ex will put a large strain on the relationship as your partner will feel the need to live up to your ideal of the perfect partner instead of being him or herself.