Where Confidence Draws the Line
There is a certain allure to a confident man or woman. They seem to have it all together, and something about that is comforting and often sexy. Many of us lack confidence in the dating world, and share mutual unspoken insecurities. So when someone doesn’t seem to display these flaws, it is shockingly pleasant.
However, when does someone’s confidence start to go from turn on to turn off? There is no set line where confidence crosses into cockiness, but there are signs. They go from sharing their life story to more than humble bragging about their lives. They go from leading the conversation to completely taking it over. They go from asking about you and listening to asking but slowly dosing off.
Why is confidence so hot, but cockiness so ugly? Well loving yourself is beautiful, but idolizing yourself is overrated. Someone who is too cocky typically doesn’t like to share the spotlight. The whole point of dating is getting to know one and other. If you are too busy focusing all attention on yourself, how can you ever expect to get to know the other person? You can’t.
If you are serious about getting to know someone you are interested in, then you have to learn how to share the mic. You can share your whole life story, but break it up into short stories Iinstead of a novel. Don’t feel like you need to dominate the conversation. If you are a match, you will have plenty of time to exchange stories. Slow it down, sit back and actually hear the other person. And let us say this is flipped, and you are the one barely getting a word in: Slow their roll and try to reel them in. If they don’t catch the hint, move on.
But if you are still willing to hold out and look past the cockiness and self-centeredness, there are some things you should know. You need to address the issue. You can probably handle it now that you are in lust and more focused on less serious things, but eventually you will want to get deeper. You cannot do that if the relationship is one-sided. So address the elephant in the room, and let the other person know they have to slow their roll and share the attention. Let them know how much of a turn off it is. Maybe they just don’t know or notice it.
And if you are the cocky one, take it a day at a time. You won’t change overnight. Try practicing your listening skills. Every time you share something about yourself, ask at least two questions about the other person.
Confidence is hot, but check yourself if you get too carried away.