Let’s Talk About Sex Baby. Or Not?
Sex is a part of nature, and naturally humans fall into that category. Some people hook up because they are in love, others just do it for fun. Regardless of the reason, everyone seems to be doing it, but not everyone’s talking about it.
While there is no shame in intimacy, it can be an awkward conversation in certain situations. For instance, with your friends you never need to hold back and can talk freely about sex. However when your current partner asks you about old partners, things can get sticky.
It is not that you should feel ashamed, but society has just set up this talk to be uncomfortable. On one hand we are told to let our freak flag fly, but on the other hand we are faced by unwarranted judgement if we do. Is our partner allowed to feel weird about past partners? Sure, it is natural to let jealousy slip through. But is it okay to hold it against your partner who is opening up about his or her past? Or course not. And if you are being treated differently because of your number, shame on them.
If there is so much potential conflict or potential awkwardness in talking about it, is it even worth having the conservation? The vote is 50/50. Some would argue that being open about it from the beginning is like ripping off a bandage. Sure, it is weird, but then you talk it out, you never have to fixate on it again. Others would advise avoiding it like the plague unless it gets brought up.
If you decide to go down the honest path, there are a few things to keep in mind. If you follow these guidelines, hopefully you will make the conversation slightly more bearable.
If you have decided you are engaging in this conversation, be honest. It is much harder to get yourself out of a web of lies in the future. Get it over with, and throw the real number out there. You certainly don’t need to justify yourself and share details unless you want to, but just being upfront can avoid a lot of conflict down the road.
Set the stage
Before you have this conversation, set some ground rules. Maybe you both agree to not share names, dates or nitty-gritty details that shouldn’t matter much. Or maybe it is the opposite, and you decide to share it all. Whatever the case may be, you ned to both agree to the rules. It can’t be a one-way street.
You may both go into this thinking you won’t get mad, but it may be out of your control. Sometimes it is hard to hide your reaction. If you get thrown off guard, your partner may be able to see it in your face. Maybe you feel jealous or are a little caught off guard by your partner’s past, but all that matters is that you hash it out then and there and don’t let it linger. If you start the conversation, be mature, hear each other out and move on.